Music the language i speak.

Music is such a big part of my life, i try to tell people that but i don't know if they actually understand what i mean.

If music was an actuall language it would be the most beautifull and honest language in the world.
With music you can express exactly how you feel, and even if you aren't able to make music on your own you can usually find that song that fits exactly how you feel if you just look around a little.

I do alot of music searching to find the song that fits the exact emotion im having that day.
Alot of the songs i link on facebook for example are songs that says something for me, something that i can't get said for some reason.
I think people who knows me very well know how hard it is for me to say and show some things for various reasons, most of them being past experience that didn't turn out so good.

Not saying that all songs i link are really connected with me, some i just like for the music.

I may seem like an open book to an outsider but my true friends and closest ones knows that there is more to me than i show, even if it might look like i tell people everything.
I can tell a complete stranger all sort of things about myself that someone else might find private and not shareable with just anyone.
Not saying that there is alot of things i hide from the world, but the few things i want to hide i hide very well.


But yeah back to music.
All of my life i've searched for songs that fits how i feel.
When i was having a really hard time in school from when i was 13-14 years old i used to listen to a tape with music everynight to fall asleep.
It had songs from a Absolute album, i don't remember which one but it contained alot of different songs from different artists.
I've had trouble sleeping for such a long time because i simply can't make my thoughts stop spinning due to all the worry i've had since quite an early age.
I think it started when i was 6 years old, when i joined my first pre-school class and i was singled out the very first day and was picked on and bullied throughout all of elementary school until i finnished 9:th grade at 15.

Music has been the thing that has kept me strong through alot of it.
I've always appreciated music but i never truly did until i was about 10, before that it was just songs you know.
Though at 10 i still hadn't gotten to the point where music had a deeper meaning for me.
I think that happened when i was 12 and my "best friend" "broke up" with me.
Such a lame thing right? I guess that's something kids do, now when im older i realise friendship doesen't work that way.
She was my only real friend and i guess she got tired of me for some reason.
She told me she didn't wanna be my friend anymore pretty much right before our 6:th grade graduation. After that we were to go to a new school in new classes and i did not like the unsetteling idea of not having a friend AT ALL when i came there. She pretty much broke my heart and i fought my tears a whole trainride home from Gävle to Kramfors whilst listening to that same old tape i fell asleep to.

This was the point when music truly became a comfort for me.
Sadly i've lost that tape but i suppose no one listenes to a walkman anymore anyways.


Might write some more about the meaning music has for me some other time but for now im gonna stop writinga nd go back to sleep.


Here's something for you, that is if someone reads my blog still.

Right here waiting - Richard Marx

And this is not a randome song..