My face is never flawless but i usually only have like one or a couple of blemishes but at the moment there's a freaking camp site on my chin. So typical when i REALLY don't want to have any at all.
Tomorrow is very important to me and i'd like to look the best but hey can't have it all.
Good thing i got such a great personality instead right?
Hey it's not the outside that counts but we all know we all want to portray ourselves the best we can be.
Tomorrow is the start of a great adventure im sure, well it's already started but it will be the kickoff so to speak.
I have so much hope but at the same time im holding a bit back incase it's not at all like i imagined it to be.
That's who i am, i never throw myself into things without thinking about the backside of the coin.
What if is something i ask myself alot and always have since i can remember having thoughts about love and life. When i was a child and then i mean a small child i didn't think about these things.
I remember that i thought a boy in my pre-school class was really cute caus he had these really long eyelashes and blue eyes.
Without a thought about "what if" i just asked him that classic thing you said to a person that u had a crush on when you were little, "kan jag få chans på dig?". I can't really find a good phrase to replace it with for you non swedish readers but it's basicly asking someone if they want to be your bf/gf.
So i asked this boy that in gym class while we were listening to the etacher talking. I just slid over to him on the floor and asked him... He said without hesitation... No.
Those who followed my blog before knows that i was bullied in school since first day of pre-school so no surprice he didn't even think about it.
I was concidered ugly and was told quite often that i was ugly aswell. I've seen pictures of those times and i have to say i was CUTE and BEAUTIFULL, those people only said that to hurt me.
But back on topic.
Back then before that i never gave it a second thought i just did whatever without asking "what if?".
I think that was the turnpoint in my life when i started asking myself that about boys that i liked.
I never again asked a boy to be my bf.. not until i was 15.
So here i am asking myself "what if" just to be prepared for the worst. But i am hoping for the best.
if i didn't hope for the best i might aswell give up on it all here and now.
Last year i got my heart broken, really badly. I lost the man i loved, my best friend and in my opinion my home. I concidered myself homeless for a while eventhough i had a roof over my head.
I really take the saying "home is where the heart lies" seriously because that is how i feel.
I swore to myself i was done, DONE. I was done with men and love and relationships.
I wasn't gonna get hurt like that ever again because i wasn't going to put myself in a situation were it can happen to me again.
But after a while the pain started to go away and i changed my mind on the matter.
I was still carefull with my heart though and still am.
So here's hoping that the "what ifs" is just that, a what if and nothing more.
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