Understanding

Sometimes i wish i could wear a sign on me or something to let people know what im going through.
There's not really a sign that could explain it all without it being the biggest sign in the world.
I wish people understood better, but i can't expect them to, because i don't even understand.

But i can still wish that someone understood and knew exactly what to say all the time.
I find it hard to be around people sometimes simply because im in a strange mood, feeling like im on the verge of crying but not really there, like i could easy be pushed over the line, never like they could pull me back.
I wish there was someone who could pull me away from the edge, but there's no one.
Only person who could do that is the reason why i am so messed up right now. Not blaming him because he would never have left me if he had a choise.

Right now i want to sit on mumble with my guild but i know not everyone knows, there's so many new people and not everyone reads the forum either.. especially not 1 month old posts.
I am afraid of joining any other channel than the AFK-channel because im not feeling well today.
I wish there was a channel there just for me when i want to have people around but i want them to be carefull and think about what they say. Yeah it is asking for alot and it's not rational but nothing about my situation is rational other than the fact it isn't rational.. very confusing i know, emagine living with the confusion.. yeah that's right you'r lucky if your not..

I really do wish there was a channel for me on mumble when i feel like this, because i want to be social but i don't want people around who aren't understanding.. making jokes about cancer or even talking about cancer for that matter unless it's something personal, joking about death.. anything that MIGHT be insensetive towards me.
Maybe i should request my own channel.. thing is other people might want one too and not be too understanding if they don't know me. I don't think the officers would find it unreasonable though concidering they know what im going through and the reason behind me wanting one..
I just want somewhere i can sit and hope taht someone feels like talking to a mess of a person like me when i am in this kind of mood.

Strange entry this is.. just clearing my head a bit.

Found this Avril Lavigne song today.. it really hit home.