I have been thinking a while about making a blog entry like this but I've been feeling a bit ashamed actually about showing pictures from when i was bigger, just like i thought about deleting them from my facebook so many times. But i keep coming back to the thought that the past is the past and that you should look forward and not backwards. Everything i have done in my past has led me to where i am at now. I shouldn't be ashamed of how i looked then but i am very proud of how far i have gotten since then.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with being of a larger size as long as you are healthy and happy but i used to be an athlete when i was younger.
So for a long time i hated my body since i started gaining weight a few years ago. Eventually as I've mentioned in this blog i decided to do something about it. I am now down to 70 kg's and so proud of it, i feel happy and comfortable in my own skin again. All that's left to do is get back in shape as well.
So here is the picture of the Present and the Past that i have wanted to show for some time.
I always tell people the thing i respect the most is honesty, i think i got this from my mum.
No matter what you've done it is a thousand times better to tell her the truth than to lie about it because usually when you lie to someone..they find out! And if i were to lie to my mum about something because i don't want her to get mad or sad and she found out.. the lie hurt her more than the truth would have.
So like my mum i respect people who are honest with me.
To me honesty is when you tell someone the truth, and no you are not honest by hiding the truth either.
Lying is the opposite of honesty but honesty is also telling people what you think.
Not telling your friend for example that a certain dress looks horrible on her is not helping, just be honest and say your opinion about it. Most of my friends love that about me and find it refreshing and they know if they don't want the truth then they shouldn't ask me about it either.
I don't know how much i stress to people that i just want them to be honest with me.
If you think something about me then just tell me and if it's something bad then it can be worked out.
I will give you the same respect, i will always tell people what i think and why i think so.
Now I'm not saying that you should go around and insult people, that's not nice.
But be true to the people you care about.
I realize there are several people who think i might be aiming this blog post towards them but it is not meant to be a personal attack against anyone, it's just something i want to get off my chest.
I wish everyone could be more honest with each other, there would be so much less misunderstandings and hate going around.
I'm not perfect when it comes to this because i do tend to hide my emotions but whenever someone asks me about it i will be an open book and just say whatever I'm feeling or thinking about, i will most likely have a emotionless face or a smile when i say it though to not feel too exposed.
If you've ever seen me cry (and not because i have gotten physically hurt) you know you are one of the few people i trust enough to not hide what i am actually feeling and i love you < 3
I am finally starting to get better from my cold, although my cough is still bothering me while i am asleep.
I will wake up because i am coughing about 2 times.. takes forever to make it stop as well.
But i am finally starting to be able to function normal during the day and so i am going back to my routines again. I have been neglecting a few important things while i have been sick, such as my schoolwork, eating, cleaning and socializing. All of which i find quite important, some more than others but all very important.
So today i started doing some of my schoolwork but lost all my inspiration as i was about to start the major part of my assignment.. well i have till Wednesday to finish it so i am not stressing (yet).
I also cooked today, nothing special but i haven't actually cooked anything since last Monday, yeah horrible i know.
I have been eating terribly bad these last 2 weeks, first of all because i had no appetite and then because i didn't have any energy to actually cook something and also i didn't feel like standing in my dorm kitchen looking all gross (yes i am quite vain) and cough all over the place.
So tomorrow i will hopefully have some more inspiration so i can start doing my assignment and then i will also start cleaning my apartment because at the moment it's way too messy for my liking, although it does look clean compared to other homes i am sure.
So.. what have i done instead of my schoolwork then you might ask?
I have watched all of my Friday shows and naruto, listened to music and played Mario kart Double dash on my Gamecube i have also watched a whole lot of videos on YouTube.
I think when i have recovered from this cold in hopefully a few days and if i have done all my schoolwork i will start a project that i have been neglecting for a long time for various reasons, hopefully this time i will get around to do it.
Here's a song i have listened to today.
It is now quite old but i still love it!
Started to get a tickle in my throat on Monday and on Tuesday i was officially sick in my opinion (i couldn't speak), now i have a terrible cough and i just want it to go away..
I'm starting to doubt that i will be well enough tomorrow to go to Love & Lust at Five, that really sucks. Been looking forward to this event and even bought a ticket but at the moment it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to make it..
I have been coughing all night, up until the point that i can't catch my breath.
It's not so much that i feel tired though just that i can not go without coughing for 5 minutes. Hopefully i'll be feeling a bit better tomorrow though so i can at least try to go, i mean i can always go home if i don't feel well.
It would really suck if i miss it since it seems like it's going to be a blast.
A year ago i didn't like to go out and to parties because it wasn't fun for me but now i am pretty much out every weekend, having a blast.
It feels right and i am having a lot of fun but it's not making my schoolwork suffer either, i guess later on i might have to slow down if we get more to do in school.. Only thing making my schoolwork suffer at the moment is this stupid cold, can't really sit in the classroom and cough all the time while the teacher is trying to have a lecture, hopefully i haven't missed anything really important..
So now i have to get myself together so i can go and get some cough syrup.
When Tony passed away i decided to unpublish a lot of my old posts on the blog for some reason, at the moment i don't know why i did that but i guess i had my reasons which i don't remember anymore but i have now re-published them.
So here i am after a few month of silence from my blog.
A lot of things have happened and i would say that it has been great.
It's amazing how far you can go in a year when something so horrible happens in your life. To go from one point where you feel like you are never gonna be okay and that you are never going to be able to not cry for a day or a week.
I am in such a good place in my life right now and i try not to think about what my life could have been because there is nothing i can do to change the past so i live in the present and believe in the future that it will lead to.
This year 2013 is going to be great because i am more than halfway through and so many great things have happened.
To start mentioning the great things i have to start by mentioning a great person, a woman who never pushed me too far and helped me get some control back in my life. Inga-Lill.. I thank god i got her switched to be my agent at the unemployment agency, and as the swedes knows having a great agent is quite rare. The woman i had before her didn't know how to deal with me, i mean she is a nice person don't get me wrong but she could never understand what i was going through and what i needed. Inga-Lill never pushed me but she wasn't afraid to ask what i wanted to do. In February she suggested that we ask at Anybody if i can have an internship for 3 weeks, for me this was a test to see if i was ready to work again. She called them and asked about it and i went there and talked to the owner and we agreed that i was gonna work there for 3 weeks.. After a few weeks had passed Inga-Lill came into the store and talked to the owner, she asked him if he liked having me around and he did. She then talked to me about extending my internship if i wanted to and i said yes of course. So i ended up having a internship there from February to June and then i had a summer job there until August. I really loved working there and i wouldn't mind filling in if there is a need whenever i have time. It's a beauty supply store that also sells perfumes and health foods so it was something i was very interested in as well.
In July i got into University of Umeå! So then the apartment hunting started and at the moment i live in a dorm but it's only till February then i have to find somewhere else to live.
So now i am here in lovely Umeå studying to get a bachelor degree in language.. I'm gonna major in English and at the moment we are studying Linguistics.
I love it here and i feel like i fit right in which is a first for me, I've met a lot of amazing people and made a lot of friends.
I think it will only get better.
