This thing about makeup..

Hai there!

I should be studying right now but i decided to write a little blog entry before i start.

I wanted to put this in my blog simply because i thought it would be a silly post on Facebook, on Facebook people have to read my posts but in my blog it is their choice to come here and read it..

So as a person with a lot of interest in makeup but no where near professional i try to find the perfect product for me and am constantly on the hunt for the perfect mascara and the perfect foundation.

Mascara is not so bad, if it doesn't fit my lashes "chemistry" it's not a disaster unless i would be allergic to the formula of course.
With foundation this is a whoooole another dilemma.
I can never find the right shade for my face.. i found one that works at nighttime for going out but in daylight it looks too orange on me.
If i want some coverage in the daytime i can only use a bit of concealer in my trouble areas.
I am a pretty pale person and i don't really get tanned if i'm out in the sun. My skin can look a little flushed above and between my eyebrows, on my chin and on and around my nose and to top it of of course i get that blueish shade under my eyes easily because of the skin being so light and the blood vessels and such shines through.
The concealer i have works for this problem during the daytime but if i'd get the same shade in a foundation it would make me look too pink if i had it all over my face.

The problem i have is that the tone never matches my neck and chest and as a makeup fanatics knows, if it doesn't match your neckline it is really going to stand out. I see people make this mistake all the time, they put on a foundation or powder on their face and sure they do drag it down their neck to blend it but the chin is going to show against your chest and if they aren't the same shade it is really going to show.

I am curious about trying E.L.F's products but they are only online and therefore i can not try it before i buy it which is a shame.
If i go to Stockholm any time soon i want to go to a makeup store there and try on some MAC products to see if maybe they have a shade for me.

I don't understand why it is so hard for a fair skinned person in Sweden to find a shade for my skin, i mean aren't we supposed to be pretty pale?


These are the ones im using at the moment:

Maybelline Fit me:15

Makeupstore liquid foundation:
Milk(the lightest)

Johannes

Started thinking about Johannes, being far away from a lot of things that would remind me of him has made me think of him less I've realized.
I will never forget him or his spirit.
I can't believe it is going to be 6 years since he passed away in about a month.
When i think of him i think about the purest spirit you can imagine. So happy and so caring for other people, it still doesn't make sense to me but i have come to terms with the fact that he is gone.
I wish i could've had more time to get to know him because from what i saw he was an amazing person.
I think about him everytime i see a biker style leather jacket.
Don't know what more to say except that i miss him, just felt like writing it down.

Last thing

Strange how i can go from one moment thinking about nothing in particular and then i suddenly start to think about Tony.
Well i do think about him alot ofcourse but not about anything in particular, i started thinking about the last few times that i spoke to him.. I can still only remember his voice saying one thing though and i'm sad that it was not I love you..i know he told me he loved me aswell but i can't remember his voice saying it. The last thing i remember him telling me was "I'm sick."
Terrible last thing to remember the person you love saying. I do remember him saying lots of other things to me during the time we were together so it's not like it's the only thing i remember his voice saying.
I mean you can remember whole conversations and such but actually remember the voice saying it is not as easy.

I try to think about him being sick as little as possible because there is no point in dwelling on it but it sneaks up on me now and then.

I miss him but i don't feel the need to cry anymore, it just is the way it is and tears won't change it.
I take comfort in thinking about how happy he would be seeing me being happy and smiling and having a life.
He wouldn't want me to be sad and have his tragedy holding me back in life, he would want me to move on and make as much out of life as i can.
I will always love him but my heart is big enough to make room for someone else in it too, i don't have to feel like i'm abandoning him if i choose to let someone else in aswell.

A new year

So it is now officially 2014.
Closing in on new years eve I thought back on this year and realized so many positive things has happened this year.
And then I thought about 2012 and what I said about that year.. It was both amazing and horrible, starting out great to end in grief, anxiety and depression.
By the time 2013 came I was starting to slowly come back to my old self but I still had a long way to go but i was finally ready to take charge of my life again.
I got an intern-ship at Anybody and stayed there till June and after that I got to work full-time over the summer, during my intern-ship i applied for University's all over the country and got accepted to Umeå University to study language. During this time I was at Anybody i started to find my social confidence again and actually becoming this positive, outgoing piece of sunshine that i used to be.
After the summer i moved to Umeå to start my new life as a student in a new city, it's one of the best things I've done in my life.
New surroundings, new friends and living on my own.

After living there for about a month I start thinking to myself and realize I am more myself than I have been since I was a child, before school broke me down, before people broke me down before life kept kicking me in the face.
I feel genuinely positive about life and my bold, smiling and strong personality that I was born with had come back to me and no one was trying to break me down, people accepted me the way I was instead of trying to force me to be like them or less.

I start breaking down the few walls and obstacles i had left since Tony passed away, i wasn't afraid to be in a room full of people i did not know, not afraid to go for what I want, speak my mind and most importantly not be afraid of people in general.
I used to barely not be able to sit in a waiting room with more than 1 person besides myself.  


So what do I want out of 2014?
I want to be even better.
My resolution will be to open up more and not be afraid to show emotions and say how I really feel about things.
It will be hard to beat 2013 if you think about how much it has changed me and my life for the better but I am hoping 2014 will follow the same path.